Pass the Fat

I don't think I'm too far off base when I say "people of my generation are pretty big". If you look at the title of this blog you can tell I'm no exception. When I came of age food was of no importance. Finding your inner self was important. Finding new ways to bend your thoughts was important. Food was what you had when you got lucky and "crashed" at someone's house that just happened to have something edible in the refrigerator. "Anyone know how to cook these pizza rolls?" When the time came to put away our inner self and get jobs we found we could finally afford to go into a supermarket and buy our own food. And man did we. Who knew food could be such a good replacement for inner peace. There was some control in that food took so long to cook. You wanted to over eat but it took too long. Big bushiness had the answer. MICROWAVE OVENS! You want popcorn with extra butter give me 3 minutes. How about bean and cheese burritos? Got an extra 60 seconds. Wanna find out how dependent we've become on these little metal boxes? Put your favorite left overs on a plate. Ummm left-over pork chops and corn. Now un-plug your microwave. Now figure out how to heat up your left-overs. Maybe we just didn't eat left-overs in the sixties. To busy rolling you know what. Let's end the horror and plug that baby back in. Of course that still leaves us with a little problem: stomachs that enter a room a few seconds before us. Well science is working hard on helping us. New exercise machines that are "fun". In fact they do most of the work for you. The little white pills you can take. They burn off all that fat inside you. Question. How do those pills know to burn just fat and not something else like ,oh I don't know, your liver? Of course there's plenty of diets to try. Eat all you want and still lose weight. My favorite is the no carb diets. Atkins and such. Let me see if I've got this right. For breakfast I can eat a pound of bacon, half a dozen eggs covered in cheese and all I have to do is skip the toast. Sign me up. Ah the miracle of science. Gotta go I hear a side of beef mooing for me. Bon appetite.

Sorry blog, forgot all about you. It's an age thing. Brain cells tend to bead up then roll off my head. Sneaky little devils. Maybe this is why I'm no longer part of that target group that advertisers love (18 to 45). They spend all that money on ads trying to pull the cash out of my wallet and I just forget their commercials five minutes later. "Damn what was the name of that new cola that I couldn't be cool without?" I can't even remember what fast food place sells the burgers at a hip hop pace. What the hell is hip hop anyways? No I'm more the black socks in sandal's type (no matching problems with black) standing in line at the local buffet restaurant. Ah the early bird specials. I guess you can tell I'm not into rap that much. Don't get me wrong, I do love music, it's just that all the current styles have passed me by. You kids with your IPods and your MP3 players. Little machines for little music. You call that rock? When I was your age music was BIG! Big rock coming from big 8 track tapes. Big 12" records too. The type that scratched the first time you played them. Back then scratching was bad (and I don't mean good). And the music came out of real speakers about the size of refrigerators. For some reason today's music systems are all backwards. Car stereos are big and loud enough for a small arena, while home systems fit in a shoe box. Go figure. You may not be able to hear music very well at home but don't worry just hop in your car and you can listen to music from the car four lanes over. On the freeway. Doing 70 mph. No wonder kids today are always going "what?". Well I have more to say but I see some dude grabbing his walker trying to get to the last of the bread pudding before me. Out of the way sister I'm on a mission.

When did I become so uncool? I slid right from that 19 to 45 age that all advertisers crave to that group that craves early bird specials at the buffet restaurant. Now I'm in that black socks with sandals generation. Turn down that noise you call music! That's not rock. Rock is music performed by the greats: Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jackson Five. I'm old enough to remember when MTV actually played music videos. You kids with your IPods. Your MP3s. Little music from little machines. My generations' music was big, BIG! Big radios with big 8track tapes. Big speakers the size of refrigerators. Big 12" records that scratched the first time you played them. Back then to scratch a record was BAD (and I don't mean good). Big music festivals like the US festival and California Jam. Big clouds of dust and smoke would rise from the big fields we would stand in to listen and see our gods. Black Sabbath, Emerson Lake and Palmer, that's all I can remember. I had a pretty BIG buzz back then. In the olden days (like 1975) when you got the 2am munchies you had to settle for Jack in the Box. Nothing else was open. And man I mean nothing. " Yeah mister clown I would like 12 Jumbo Jacks and 12 French fries and 1 diet Coke. Hey you guys want anything?" I pity this generation never knowing what fun it is to wake up in the morning on your bedroom floor with a mouth full of avocado green shag carpet and puka shells all knotted in your long hippie hair. Man those were the days. Gotta go now. That old bastard at table six is making a run for the last of the bread pudding. Peace and Love.