LET'S HAVE A McSMOKE

So what up? Did you think I was dead. Not even close. I live to bitch another day. No I'm not dead but I may be close. It's another attempt to try to lose weight. Yes non-reader of this blog I am overweight. No let me correct that to something a little more PC: I am one big fat ass. This fatness, this gordoness snuck up on me. It creeped for thirty years, day in and day out. Dinner plate by dinner plate it slid onto my frame. I didn't invite it there it just assumed that extra helping was my RSVP. But I'll say this much for my fat brethren; It turns us into some of the most honest people you'll meet. You can stand next to a drug abuser or an alcoholic and never know it. You can chit chat with an embezzler and not have a clue. Buy a drink for a man dressed as a woman and not know his true identity. But a fat person walks into the room and right off you know what his problem is. No hiding it, no covering it up. It's there for all the world to see. Oh we try with the baggy clothes but deep down we know it's not working. So what's the answer? EAT LESS! you say. And truer words were never spoken. But let me ask some questions to the smokers who have kicked the habit. Was it easy? Most likely no. But you did it didn't you. Let me ask you this: How easy would it have been if you had a room in your house filled with cigarettes? And how easy would it have been if you HAD to smoke three cigarettes a day. No more, only three. And how easy if everyone around you smoked. And if everywhere you looked was an ad for wonderful tasty smokes? On the TV in newspapers on the radio. Cigarettes everywhere. And could you have quit if on almost every corner was a store devoted to selling you the best and cheapest cigarettes? Maybe you could have quit but I'm guessing it would be nearly impossible. Now just change the word cigarette with the word food and you can see what fat people are up against. Yes we have to lose weight but we still have to eat. And we still have to drive by the market and the restaurants and the fast food places. And we still have to hang out with other people, some of whom eat. I tell you what kid, it's tuff out there. I did join a gym though. And I am going. It's just that I'm not sure what all those weird machines are for. Are they meant to improve my life or punish me for being fat? I'll have to sit on my porch and think about that one. Meanwhile drop the donuts and get the hell off my lawn.